Happy VDay Family!!

I feel like I just woke up from a dream. A scary one, involving my star act, Harley, and what looked to be a three ring circus or Cirque du Soleil extravaganza. Although,  there was nothing amusing or fun about this particular show! Call it  a “mother’s instinct”, but thankfully when I looked into my baby’s eyes this morning, I knew in my heart that my kid had returned to her body with her typical calm and serenity intact.

I don’t even know how the last five days unfolded, it started with a very out of the norm melt down at lunch with my mother and sister in law (of course!) at my side and ended five days later, two parents wiped to smithereens as we laid down for bed at 8pm (yes, 8pm) last night , praying this night would not be like all other nights and we would finally get some sleep.

I feel like my child was abducted by aliens or the Ringling Brother’s road show over the last week. In what appears to be a very successful “growing spurt”, Harley fed non-stop, cried at the top of her lungs, and reverted to the sleeping patterns of her first month all while she tried to get her mind and body in sync with the numerous developments that were happening internally and externally to her.

As I look down at my baby today in full smiles and giggles as she begs me to help her stand (at 5:40 in the morning!) and repeatedly coos while putting her whole foot into her mouth (yoga style), this girl is a totally different kid. She looks like an entirely different baby, round cheeks,chubby legs,  and a full belly. She’s “talking” up a storm, grabbing hold of things, standing (with the tiniest bit of help), feeding herself from a bottle, the list goes on.

No wonder Harley has been screaming with confusion and pain over the last five days, she was on an olympic spree in development. The crazy thing is, no matter how prepared you think you are and how much sound advice you have gotten, you can only question and OVER-analyze what in the world has happened to your baby all day, every day for as long as this goes on. Its enough to make you crazy and to believe that you are back to ground zero, with your confidence and conviction shattered and thrown to the wayside.

And then, the dream “or nightmare” is over, and poof, your kid is back. Your sanity and confidence soar as you see that big smile cross her face and those beautiful blue eyes connect. The alien ship has taken flight, the circus has packed its tents,  and I am looking forward to a great night’s sleep.

Of course you hear about the significant milestones in a parent and child’s life; the first time they sleep through the night, eat solid foods, murmur their first words, and pee in the pot. What you don’t hear about is the daily milestones that help you to get through your daily routine rituals. Its these milestones that broaden your growth and learning as a parent and make you feel one step further along as a new mom.

This week has been a laundry list of “baby” steps I have taken to get to the “other” side. From negotiating Blaze in my left hand and the stroller in my right, I finally got our afternoon and evening walks on course. This week’s walks were the first of many where I didn’t run the baby stroller straight into a pole while my neighbors watched amusingly. I am finally getting the hang of the three minute shower, five minute blow dry, and two minute makeup application (on the rare occasion). I have learned to pump free handed, while entertaining my daughter, answering emails, and editing photographs.  The list goes on. And although these small markers aren’t typical items on my daily “to-do” list, they are certainly small reminders of the beautiful, joyous, and hilarious journey I am on in life as an urban mom.

You have to look out for…

When Harley entered this world (two weeks early) and  I saw her delicate features and this innocence radiating from her, my first instinct was to protect. She looked so fragile, everyone referred to her as “SO tiny”, and when she made a peep…it sounded like one of Blaze’s squeaky toys. I figured I would have to be ultra careful about this one, keep her close and safe from harms way, until she could catch herself up with other babes her age.

Three weeks later, and a doc visit to confirm my observations, I realize this girl is a warrior (luckily, a calm and peaceful one). With the longest of arms and legs, she is constantly in a ready position and everything is about the hands. Usually in a fist, she will have her right arm stretched out forward  and her left foot flexed. She takes this pose when she is feeding, so that she can control the situation and remind me of who is really the boss. I love that Harley makes these declarations physically instead of verbally (as I can do without a wailing baby). Her determination and strength is already so visible.

And Harley has been donned “Baby Hoo Hoo”, as in Hoodini. This little lady is an escape artist. The girl loves her swaddle. But even with the best of swaddles (and we are learning fast), this girl can break free in mere seconds. Gazing into her bassinet a few minutes after I have set her down, I love to see her laying fast asleep with her hands free and nestled under her chin (or on the side of her face)…with a hint of a small sly smile as she peers back at me with one crack of a eye open.

As I sit here this morning bonding with my daughter and enjoying our first “official” day alone together (Harley’s 13th day of life!), its hard not to reflect on the past two weeks and all the amazing people that helped us along on our journey.

On August 6th, Harley’s birthday, I woke up at 2am to my first round of contractions. Not knowing what they were, I dismissed them as my ongoing back pain and fell back asleep. At 3:30am, the contractions were nothing to ignore. As I watched them go from 20 minutes apart to 10 to 5 to 3 in a matter of two hours, my husband gathered his senses, our bags, called the doc, and got me into the car for a memorable drive to CPMC, our hospital.

Nothing prepares you for the emotion and excitement you feel going into something so foreign and unknown. I remember watching the sun come up beautifully through the financial district as we sped (VERY!) quickly through the tall buildings and realized this was the morning my daughter would be born and I would become a mom.

Labor was an amazing and beautiful experience for me on so many levels. A time to watch my hubby Greg shine as a coach, support, love, and friend. He was instrumental in my feeling calm throughout the day and the constant smile (as he witnessed the birth of our daughter) kept me motivated and inspired. His smile will be forever implanted in my head.

My mom and best friend, Maria, were with me too throughout the whole adventure. Having two strong women (who mean the world to me) there to guide and assist me, gave me the strength and confidence to power through. I can’t even imagine doing it without them. The last hour before I pushed, we all sat around telling stories, cracking jokes, and laughing. I will never forget this moment and all the moments that we have shared since Harley’s arrival.

And as Harley came into this world, my feelings of exhaustion and pain dissipated. With my daughter on my chest, I took one look around the room and felt all the love that surrounded us.  I realized at this moment, I was ready and able to take on this adventure!

Birth Date:  August 6, 2009, 1:52pm.

Horoscope:  A Leo. Considered King (or Queen) of the Jungle: always proud, a performer, and happy being the center of attention and in the spotlight (oh boy!).

Stats:  5lbs, 11 ounces and 19 inches long. The hands and feet of Michael Phelps. And the longest limbs this side of town…or what we refer to as “frog legs!” I felt those legs all the way through my pregnancy.

As my friend Austin puts it (in response to Harley’s two week early arrival), “this is the life of a rock and roll woman”!!  Miss Harley Grey certainly surprised us with her arrival on Thursday. After a 24 hour turn-around and 52 minutes of pushing, she came into this world with bright blue eyes, what seems to be a very old soul, and the sweetest personality. We are forever changed and life will never be seen the same again. Its an amazing feeling.

As you can imagine the last six days have been a crash course in all things parenting. From basic diaper changes to walking down the street with stroller in hand (realizing that you have not only become a mother but a warrior out to serve and protect your newborn child with every ounce of strength you have and at all costs). Everything has become an expression or need executed for our little one. The days fly by, while the nights screech to a halt. But all in all, there is nothing more incredible than the connection and love you feel  growing inside of you for this little girl.  And while Harley has now been sentenced to life as a permanent model for her camera-obsessed mom, I have found a new passion in my daughter (hubby too!) that expands wider and deeper than anything I have ever come across before.

So yes if you know me well, you know that for me, sitting down is not usually part of my equation. Up until about a week ago, I didn’t even feel pregnant. And now, here I am about two weeks away from giving birth and I have finally taken up “nesting”.  And to be quite honest, it is a whole lot of fun and its getting me very excited for our new baby’s arrival.

With a name like Harley, parents like Greg and I, and my usual avoidance of the color white and any pastel from my own wardrobe… Harley has been sentenced to a wardrobe of rocker-esque black and a bunch of hot fabulous colors to accent this. In the spirit of this color scheme, as well as, our desire to keep our loft looking somewhat “adult-like”. We have found a perfect way to mesh all the baby gear, gadgets, furniture, etc. into our  small, humble abode without overtaking our own sense of style. A modern and fashionable union.

We found our amazing recycled furniture in two places, Past Perfect, a gorgeous designer showcase store on Union (and yes, they will work with you on pricing!!) and the Alameda Flea Market (I am now a fan for life!).

More on wardrobe later…

With the official launch today, I will be starting a weekly Wednesday blog post in honor of our first child and baby daughter to be, Harley Grey Kokoefer (set to enter this world in about three weeks). I am super excited to share weekly thoughts, pics, and what nots of my experience with Harley, becoming a mom, and using photography to document her story.

This first post is of our pregnancy shoot, taken by our dear friend, the very talented Kate Webber. At about five weeks out from our due date, we wanted something fun and light to capture our daughter in her “almost” full form and my growing belly to share with her later. We decided on the State Fair (when did SF get a State Fair?) in Soma for our photos and Kate’s images are magical and stunning.